either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
