i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
