my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
