Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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