Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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