im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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