I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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