My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
