wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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