is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
don't judge my taste in strippers
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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