four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
