so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
