Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
