i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she smelled like a LAN party
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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