thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
