Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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