I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
