i just wanna soil my oats bro
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
