But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
