either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
