Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize