If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
