I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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