we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
