I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, beer. Big fan.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
