I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
