I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
