I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
