Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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