Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
