then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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