Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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