people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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