my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
