Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
