I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
