btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
