I smell stomach acid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
