i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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