So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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