When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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