I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
