even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
