It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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