this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
