i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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