and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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