He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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