That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
