well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
