I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How does one acquire holy water?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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