i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
