I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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