Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
