Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
