My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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