You work out of a Hotel?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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