i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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