If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
