i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
