I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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