All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
