legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
