i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
