you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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