apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
