Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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