Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
