jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize