so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
