We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
