I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
