someone get that fucking seahorse.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
