So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
