3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Porn is love you can see.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
