Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize