Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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