Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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