Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
